Recently, I have been reading Psalm 62 5-8 over and over again.

 5Yes, my soul, find rest in God;
    my hope comes from him.
⁶ Truly he is my rock and my salvation;

    he is my fortress, I will not be shaken.
⁷ My salvation and my honor depend on God;
    he is my mighty rock, my refuge.
⁸ Trust in him at all times, you people;
    pour out your hearts to him,
    for God is our refuge.

Last year I have had anything but physical rest. I have been up night after night thinking and praying about my broken relationships, big life moves, and what I want to really do as a career.  This year, I have been in the same boat. I have been up at night listening to the sounds of the hood, missing home, and worrying about if I ever will fully adjust to my life in Memphis.

                                                        God is my rock and refuge.

Wednesday December 12th,  I had a really hard day. My students have not been behaving well because we were all in need of a break. Christmas break was coming right around the corner and we were all ready. After a hard day in the classroom, I needed to leave a little early to go to a doctors appointment. During Thanksgiving break, I was back home in Chicago. I took the kids that I used to nanny to the roller rink for a day of fun. I was so excited because I missed them so much and this was the first time I was able to hang out with all four of them in a long time. On a turn, my roller blade’s wheels got caught in one of their wheels and I fell hard to the ground. I landed right on my left pinky finger. To make a long story short and a trip to the ER, I fractured my pinky. Since it was only a pinky it seems like a pretty small deal but that is actually not the case.

                                                 God is my rock and my refuge.

On Wednesday December 12th, I was getting my pinky checked out by a hand specialist doctor. They took x-rays and when they showed them to me, I wanted to throw up. Yuck! The fracture happened on a diagonal and there was a extra piece of bone sticking out where it shouldn’t be. My doctor then tells me that I need surgery in order to fix it. If you know me I HATE all things medical. This is hard for me. I didn’t know that a little pinky and a trip to the roller rink would cause this much of a problem. I schedule my surgery on the first day of my Christmas break. This changed a lot of my plans which made me sad.

                                                    God is my rock and my refuge!

After I come home and tell my roommate about my day we decide to cheer me up by going out to dinner. On our way to the restaurant, we got into a car accident. My roommates car was hit by another driver on the highway. The other car was driving in the left lane and we were driving all the way in the right. They cut across three lanes recklessly and did not see her little blue car. They hit us so hard in the backside of our car that they spun and hit us in the front causing us to lose control. We started heading straight for a light pole and my roommate was trying to correct the wheel. Everything seemed like it was happening in slow motion. We ended up hitting the light pole on the right side of the bummer and knocked it over. Praise the Lord that the light pole did not fall on us. When the car came to a stop, we both realized that we were not hurt at all and the airbags did not explode. We walked away from that accident untouched while the driver that hit us was rushed to the hospital.

God is my rock and refuge!

Time for the pinky surgery came and went. My doctor operated and put three screws in my little pinky. I was put in a full arm cast for weeks. When my pinky came out of the cast it of course looked gross. My next step was to start Physical Therapy. I love my therapist! She is great and a gift from God but progress is not happening like we hoped it would. The middle joint of my pinky is stuck from swelling and scar tissue. I have not been able to bend my pinky for months now. My motion will probably never be back to 100%. I never realized how much you actually use your pinky until you lose it. Pray that God will heal my pinky and destroy the scar tissue so it is able to bend again.

Still God is my rock and refuge!

This passage reminds me where my rest comes from. Life in Memphis might be hard but I know I need to trust God and pour out my heart to Him. The word refuge has been popping off the page in scripture to me for two years now. The definition of refuge means, “a condition of being safe or sheltered from pursuit, danger, or trouble.” The idea of being safe not because of my circumstances but because God is our refuge gives me a better understanding of who God is. I am so glad that I get to experience this in a real way by sitting in my brokenness and the brokenness of the world. God is calling me into a deeper relationship with him through the hurt.

                                                “My rest comes from God alone”

                        

This is the driver who hit us’ car                        This is the light pole we knocked over.

This is just one side of my roommates car which is now in car heaven

 

                              

After surgery picture. I couldn’t feel my arm for a whole day.         X-ray after surgery!

The Lord has a funny way of working. One month ago, I went home to visit for Labor day. It was strange but familiar being home. I was able to see a lot of people I have been missing. Even though I was home for the weekend, I knew I would have to make the long trip back to Memphis soon enough. I went to the Brookfield Zoo like I normally do to read Scripture. I was praying that the Lord would speak clearly through His word because I have been so desperately needing to hear the Lord’s voice. I was sitting by the Lions exhibit reading Mark 9:14-32. This is the passage where a dad asks Jesus to help his son who is possessed by an evil Spirit.

When the dad asks Jesus he says, “It has often thrown him into fire or water to kill him. But if you can do anything, take pity on us and help us.” Then Jesus goes on to say, “”If you can?” said Jesus “Everything is possible for him who believes.””

Something bad has been going on in the dad’s family for a really long time and for him it happened to be a demon who has possessed his son. I haven’t ever been possessed by a demon but I do believe I have been engaging in Spiritual warfare more than ever just in the last year alone. It is really easy to let doubts and unbelief creep in when your life is in constant turmoil.

Then scripture says,  ^“Immediately the boy’s father exclaimed, “I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!”

This verse stuck out to me more than ever before. I have been stuck in this season of lack of faith. Moving is really hard, especially going to a place that is so different than everything I have known. I have even been doubting my call to ministry. On that bench at the zoo right after I read this, I knew at that I needed to stop and pray. I placed my bible next to me. I started to pray over and over “I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!”

As I was praying this a lady sits down on the same bench right next to me. I stop praying and look up. The lady looks over to me and asks me, “Is that God’s Word?” I say, “You betcha it’s God’s word! Do you read God’s Word?” Maybe it was a bold question but if you know me well enough, I’m a bold evangelist. That’s the only way I role.

The two of us sat on the bench talking about God for half an hour. She has had a rough life and needed to talk about hard things. I prayed with her and then she went on her way. I was able to minister to a stranger in the zoo. The Lord was helping me to overcome my unbelief. He reminded me that my life is ministry. It doesn’t just happen in a church or living on the mission field like I am doing in Memphis. I need to give myself more grace when it comes to thinking about my past, present, and future calling. The Lord will be with me wherever I go!

Now I am back in Memphis. I co-lead a high school girls small group on Sunday night and I had some time before it started, so I went to Starbucks to write this blog post. I just typed in the title of this blog post and a lady at the next table asks me, “Are you writing a sermon?” I laughed and told her “No way, I don’t preach.” Then I explained to her I was writing a blog post. She was a legit believer and I knew that within a few minutes of talking to her. We ended up talking for a long time about life and God. She was able to speak truth over my life that I needed in that moment. The Lord has been slowly helping me overcome my unbelief and recent lack of faith. When the transition to Memphis gets hard, I constantly remind myself that God is for me and not against me.

This passage in Mark continues with  “He replied, “This kind can come out only by prayer.” 

We need to be remaining in prayer! Prayer is a way that we communicate with God and he communicates with us. As I was praying on that bench at the zoo the Lord spoke clearly to me. Prayer is so powerful and God shows me his character through prayer. So let us not be afraid of prayer but let’s embrace it. When we pray, we are coming before the Lord’s throne humbling ourselves and admitting we don’t have it all together.

As I go about my time in Memphis I pray  “Lord I believe, but help my unbelief.”

Thank you Jesus for continually reminding me of who you are. Praise the Lord!

Challenge:

• Where over your life do you need to pray, “Lord I believe, but help my unbelief?”
• How is your prayer life?
• Are you looking for opportunity’s to share Christ with others? You never know when the Lord can use you to impact the life of a unbeliever or fellow believer.

 

Pictures from my journey in Memphis!

 

 

Trip to the zoo with a few of my students. We like to have fun!

 

       

The Lady eagles Volleyball team reading with my class! Loved coaching these girls!

 

Birthday Cupcake with the roommate! I can’t believe I’m 27 now!

 

            

I was able to volunteer with my church’s youth ministry to do Bible Club through Street Reach! It was so refreshing to be able to participate in the same exact thing that brought me to Memphis in the first place!

I never thought I would actually be living somewhere different than Chicago. People have told me how difficult moving is and I would agree with them. You have to meet new people, start a new job, move into a new environment, find a new church, and build a new community. I’m not going to lie, it has definitely been exhausting. I know that the Lord is working, so I am patiently waiting on the Lord to work all things out. He will continue to make me feel more comfortable here and not feel like I am missing my community from home as much.

I left on Saturday morning July 28th with the Smith family, Staal family, and the Rodemoyer family there to pray me off. That was a cool reminder that my moving was a calling from the Lord and that my support group back home believe in the power of prayer. We loaded my car full and my best friend Melissa’s car full. The Lord has blessed me with an incredible best friend who is willing to move me down all the way to Memphis! We got started on our way, with my eyes full of tears. I have had a lot of lost this year and leaving home was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do.

We arrived in Memphis around dinner time. We pulled up to the house and stepped out of the car. The only thing I could think to say to Melissa was, “Well, We aren’t in Kanas anymore.” That is what I would say to Melissa every time we would step off the plane in Uganda. This moment reminded me of that same moment in Uganda where I wasn’t to sure about what I was walking into.

                 

I am glad that the Lord has made me into a person that is able to plug in quickly. The very next day, I visited a church that I found online the night before. On this church’s  website it said there vision was to Love God, Love People, and Go Global. That alined perfectly with what I believe is my purpose. Like the crazy person I am, I decided to go to the church based off the website. I walked in that first day to the welcome center desk to ask about bible classes. Within a few minutes after walking into that building I knew that the Lord placed me here. People, including myself,  have been praying for a community of believers and a church family I could plug into and the Lord provided one the second day I was there. If you know me, that is so crazy because I have been known in the past for being critical of different churches. The Lord is faithful! The church that I have been going to is called New Hope and the people who go there are great! I have been helping with their youth ministry already and am starting to attend their young adult group. This church challenges me through the Word of God and encourages me to dive into a deep relationship with God.

        

These are pictures of a couple of incredible girls in the youth ministry I have had the pleasure to hang out with! Thanks for helping my first few weeks in Memphis be even better girls! Love you!

I have been in school for 2 full weeks now! My class is the best! I am teaching 3rd grade and really enjoying getting to know my students. School makes me exhausted but I know the Lord is going to use me in my students life’s and he has only just begun. I have been coaching volleyball for the middle schoolers and high schoolers this year as well. Go Eagles! Brinkley Heights is like a family and I am thankful for my new family! 

              

Hurt and pain have a way of giving you Christian amnesia. The enemy has a way of using circumstances in your life which lead to forgetting the character of God. I recently went through a season of hurt and loss. It was there that the Lord actually reminded me of his character. “God is faithful” is the name of my blog and I want to explore that attribute of God through the testimony of this journey we call life. Many of you have read the verse Psalm 34:18,

“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in Spirit.”

The verse right before that says,

” The righteous cry out, and The Lord hears them.”

Ahhh! What an incredible truth of the Lord’ character shown to us in scripture. When we cry out to Him and lift our prayers of brokenness, the Lord shows up through His presence.

Later in Psalm 51:17 it says,

“The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you do not despise.”

God is pleased with us when we humble ourselves and cry out to Him in brokenness. It pleases Him more than rituals and sacrifices. When you are going through a season of hurt, the Lord meets you and shows you your heart as well. There is beauty in brokenness because we are admitting to the Lord that we cannot do it alone. Brokenness and surrender go hand in hand. We surrender to repentance, forgiveness, and to His plan and calling on our lives. God wants your heart more than anything!                                            

This picture was taken in Texas where the waves were crashing on the walkway and the weather was windy. There was still something beautiful about looking at the vast ocean even though my environment around me was crazy and I was getting soaked.

ENCOURAGEMENT:

During a season of hurt and brokenness, keep running the race. God hears you cry out to Him. He wants to be close to you. He loves you and is faithful! What God has done once, He can do again! Don’t be afraid to admit to the Lord you are hurting and broken in spirit. That is how we grow and the Lord uses that season to help you better understand and remember His faithful character.  Let us not have Christian amnesia!